Peace...
by ntrophi
Summary: Kefka remembers the only time he fell in love... And discovers why fate can be cruel sometimes. Reviews welcome.


Disclaimer: I (regretably) don't own Kefka or any of the FF characters. Damn. What a goldmine they are. And so much fun at parties too.  
  
Ok. Kefka. In love. And angsty about it.  
Oh dear. Please, be kind to a poor lil' stressed out 18 year old who thought it would be a good idea to write in first person for a change. Oops.  
Oh well. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
I can still remember the first time I ever laid eyes on her, on one of my many visits down to that blasted lab. It was exactly three weeks before the single event that would change my life. I have to look back and laugh about it sometimes, when I realise just how weak I was. What is love but a state of being? An emotion. What use did I ever have for emotions? I'm the evil bastard who destroyed the world. Why should I have ever felt anything so mythical as love?  
  
Yes, I look back and laugh, but my giggles often fade. I... I miss her. I always have. That's harder for me to admit than you would imagine. Even though I only knew her for those three beautiful weeks, she was the only person to make me feel... well, loved. My family did me a favour and died while I was young. I never had any love from the old git, Gestahl. And as for everyone else? Well, I didn't really know anyone else before the infusion. Anytime after that, and I was the people repeller. But she... She provided me with a warm blanket. Something that I felt could protect me, no matter what happened.  
  
Hah. Fat lot of good that was.  
  
  
I can still see her; as weak and vulnerable as she was the day I first saw her. Oh, she may have looked weak, but she was strong. And she was truly divine. Naturally, she was trapped in one of those god-awful tubes. Ciddie never took any risks with his beloved subjects, even if he had sedated them to the point of being comatose.  
  
Oh wait. Some of you must be thinking "Huh? In one of those tubes?" Get a grip, people. You pinheads believe that I'm supposed to fall in love with a mere human? Hah! C'mon, most of them realised I was a nutcase, and the rest of them learned that the hard way. But, I'll admit it now, so the less imaginative of you don't get so confused later on. I, Kefka Palazzo, fell in love with an esper. Got it? Good.  
  
  
She was the most beautiful mythical beast I'd ever seen in my life, even if she did have tubes sticking out of her arms, and abrasions all over her smooth skin. It wasn't like me to fall in love at first sight, but there was something about her that made me feel all calm and peaceful. She was a gorgeous pale red colour, with long scarlet hair and soft cherry eyes that seemed to pull me into them when she stared at me. And stare at me she did. She must have known, even back then, that I would be the one to take her life. Maybe she wanted to haunt my nightmares after her death. Perhaps this is revenge for what I took from her.  
  
As she was tri-elemental, I knew that there was a good chance that she would be used for my infusion. And that worried me more than I imagined it would. I didn't want someone who looked so innocent and helpless to be killed just for me. There were times when I would just go down to the lab and watch her through the tube. She always seemed to perk up for me, even smiling through the thick fluid and glass that seperated us. I like to think that she loved me too, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case. I was a human. Even worse, a soldier. I was one of the people who ripped her freedom from her grasp and handed it to the essence-thirsty scientists. Yet she smiled at me so softly. Did she like me? I'll never know.  
  
  
Yeah, alright. I never got to talk to her. I never even knew her real name. Ciddie called her "subject number 447-A" That's a mouthful really. Can you imagine whispering "I love you, subject number 447-A"? Thought not.  
So, unable to converse with her, and without a good name for her, I used my imagination. I made one up for her as she was staring at me; her eyes like two deep, red pools that threatened to drown me.  
  
Tara.  
  
Nice, isn't it? That's what I thought. Ergh... I still cringe at how pathetic I once was; staring into that murky tube as she drifted to sleep, hoping that I somehow brought her peace as she slept. I used to whisper her name before I drifted off myself, picturing her soft hands stroking my face...  
  
Sickening. It's so damned sickening, and I hate myself everytime I recall that name. But, everyone has their weakness, and contrary to popular belief, mine wasn't being two fingers short of a fist. Tara. She distracted me, even after her death. I can't believe that I'm still in love with her, even so long after she died. For Goddess' sake, she probably hated my guts. Everyone else does, so why not her? Why do I still harbour these weak, pitiful feelings for someone I never even spoke to?! It drives me up the wall! No. It drives me up the wall, through the ceiling and across the damned continent!! If I could just wipe her from my memory, then I would.   
  
  
But, I can't. You see, on the day of my infusion, I realised just how cruel fate is. I walked into the room, let them strap me down on the table and looked across to the poor esper who was going to give their life and their powers to me.  
I almost had a heart attack when I saw those kind, ruby eyes shining back at me. Tara, with a sad smile on her face.   
She was still smiling and staring at me, even when the last of her essence had been drained out of her. I have never felt so sickened at death since that moment. Nothing can be worse than watching the woman you love dying before you. Actually, watching the esper who haunts your every waking moment, and has you believing that you love her, die. That's truly disgusting.  
  
  
But, I didn't have much time to think about it. Moments later, I was sucked into my own personal nightmare. Tara was there, but only for a split second. She screamed. That was all I heard. She was no longer smiling, but her beautiful face was contorted into an expression of pure terror.  
  
But she's still with me, and that's why I can never forget her. She's one of the voices. She screams out in terror with the rest of them everytime I do something terrible.  
  
It's music to my ears. It always will be. Tara's voice, blending in with the others as she screams. She begs me to stop, but I won't. It's my revenge. She made me love her, and she never even let me know whether she felt the same. If she wants to treat me like that, then I'm going to be just as bitchy back to her. Why didn't you say anything, damn you?! A couple of words, and I would have known! And if I had known, then I would be able to forget. I would have been able to get over you.  
  
But no. You had to be silent; never communicating except in silky smiles and with those beautiful eyes...  
  
No, Tara. I'll never forget. But if I can't live in peace, then I won't let you die in peace. 


End file.
